Just for a laugh

I personally think Chuck Norris is a pansy. But these are pretty funny. Enjoy!

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  

• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.


• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.


• Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

• Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

• Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

• Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

• Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

• Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

• Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

• Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down

• What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

• Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

• Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

• Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

• Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO

• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, its too bad he never cries.

• Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

• Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

• It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

• Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

• As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.